Food Shame

Shame. If I didn't find a way out you wouldn't be reading this.

For years, I told no one that I had gone to culinary school. I was ashamed of my love of food and what it said about my very overweight body. I believed people looked at someone who was overweight and assumed her love of food was the reason she was fat. I hate to admit it, but I believed it too. Loving food felt like a character flaw instead of a gift.

I didn't like being overweight. I wanted to be thin. I was afraid of the long-term health consequences, but I also wanted to walk into any store and buy the clothes I loved. Since I was a little girl, I loved fashion. For years, I couldn't afford it. Then I finally could, I couldn't fit it. I chose Eileen Fisher or things stretchy with elastic.

I kept my full love affair with food under wraps. I tried not to think about how it was ruining my life.

The change happened when I learned what was making me fat. My love of food led me to a deeper dive into cuisines, cooking techniques, and flavor than most would dare. I am a nerd of extremes — if I love something, I have to go deep, deep, deep. To master French, South Indian, and Chinese cooking technique and philosophy taught so much about creating flavor without sugar, fat, or frying.

I learned to build flavor with technique, acidity, herbs, spices, and layering. South Indian food taught me to use contrast of texture, color, flavor to create satiety. And I was willing to make something a hundred times to get it right — enter roasted chicken and bolognese.

As science caught up to my culinary training, I discovered that many of the foods I believed were healthy were the very foods preventing me from losing weight: my favorite Moosewood black bean soup. Irish oatmeal. Whole wheat bread. High-fiber breakfast cereals. Beans and rice. Pirate's Booty.

I thought I was making healthy choices. I wasn't.

I learned that grains become sugar when we eat them. I learned that meals built around grains and starches — even whole grains and high-fiber grains — created large blood sugar spikes. I learned that inadequate amounts of protein and fat only made those spikes worse.

I wasn't diabetic. I wasn't even prediabetic. But I didn't have to be. High blood sugar meant high insulin. High insulin meant my body stored fat instead of burning it.

My culinary education had purpose. I knew how to cook anything — I also knew technique to not lose flavor and yum factor while making things healthier.

I created recipes that worked for my body. I perfected dressings with less fat. Broths that filled me and held me over to dinner. Cream soups without cream. Pizza with the thinnest alternative crust possible, focused on veggies. I began transforming traditional dishes into versions that kept insulin low, calories reasonable, nutrients high, and sugar low. The food was every bit as satisfying, but now it was helping me instead of hurting me.

Learning how to transform the foods I loved into foods that loved me back restored me. That was when I realized I could look differently at my love of food. I realized I had a gift. I could do something most people couldn't do. I could take common, familiar foods and transform them into meals that were both scientifically sound and incredibly delicious. And felt like you are missing nothing.

For years, I thought my love of food was a liability — the thing keeping me overweight. In reality, it was the thing that ultimately set me free. And is what makes Jolie special — I hope you enjoy it too! ❤️